I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
