Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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