You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I had to cum in my sink.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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