If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize