Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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