My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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