Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
