Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
