You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
someone owes me an orgasm
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
