I've blown a few things in my day
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
