I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
