now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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