Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
