you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
