seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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