Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize