It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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