The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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