Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Boobs speak an international language.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
