Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize