Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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