Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need to calm my uterus...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize