yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My ass is underappreciated
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
