hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
