let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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