Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
