Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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