Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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