do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize