i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
