I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
