I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
