that's an acceptable place to lick
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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