I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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