the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
