This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
