I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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