a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
