I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
