My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He kissed a someone with a penis
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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