he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
