Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
