k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
