I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize