Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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