"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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