my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize