I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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