what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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