you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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