I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
