is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
