And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
