I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize