mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
