I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
