i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
