I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
