Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
