yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
