he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
