There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
