so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
