We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
