I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
