i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
