I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
