Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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