wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize