Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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