I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
