Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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