Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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