she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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