Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
