I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
