There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
